Sperm Madness

Well, it’s official! After a tightly fought contest, we have a donor! Last Saturday, August 3, I finally had my long-anticipated (at least by me) donor party.  There were six of us in the end (plus Cali and Brooke). Unfortunately a few people couldn’t make it that I had hoped would be part of it. But, I did have various aspects of my life represented – my cousin Vivian has been a very special person in my life since she babysat for us and took vacations with us when I was a kid. I’ve known my friend Maria since we were about 7 or 8 and were in Girl Scouts together – we’ve been through most of life’s milestones together, and she was always there for me when Mom and Dad were sick. Erika and I met after college when I worked at US Trust (my brief inexplicable investment banking career) and have known each other for about 17 years. And Meredith and Denika are newer friends, from my Fulbright days in London, but just as important. And especially important was the fact that each of them entered wholeheartedly into the spirit of the night.

THE JUDGES

After much internal debate, and some discussion with close advisors (like Keith), I settled on a bracketology format, which I dubbed, “Sperm Madness.” Yes, Sperm Madness. And it was a hit. 

THE SWEET SIXTEEN

We started with a Sweet Sixteen (since 64 would have required a lot more time, and alcohol!), and the brackets were divided by the two Cryobanks (California and Fairfax). Round one involved audio interviews. The top eight (pre-selected by me) from each bank went head-to-head (so to speak) in sets of two. We listened to excerpts from their interviews, and then voted one on to the next round. In most of the brackets, there was a clear winner, and most in the group were in agreement. But there were one or two tougher brackets that prompted a bit of debate.

THE ELITE EIGHT

From the Sweet Sixteen, we narrowed it down to an “Elite Eight.” This round involved the perusal of the profiles by my guests (since I had already read them), while munching on desserts and indulging in a bit more wine. Then I would read out a number, and whoever had that profile in front of her would give us the highlights from the personal profile, staff impressions, essay and medical history. Again, the donors competed in pairs, and we whittled it down to a Final Four.

THE FINAL FOUR

By the time we got it down to the Final Four, we had a pretty strong impression of the remaining candidates, and so we just discussed them together, reviewing their highlights. Also by then, most of the candidates had earned a nickname. Some came from the descriptions by the staff (Doogie Howser, James Bond). Others came from our own impressions from the profiles, interviews or photos (The Russian, Jug-ears, Chubbs). OK, so maybe they weren’t always the most complimentary nicknames, but it was easier to remember them by these names. So the Final Four was comprised of The Russian vs. James Bond (from Fairfax) and Doogie Howser vs. well, the fourth didn’t have a nickname at that point. He was the only one that no one could remember anything about from round to round. But, somehow, he kept getting through. And wouldn’t you know, when he went head to head against Doogie, he emerged victorious and made the Top Two. And that earned him the nickname Cinderella, since he reminded us all of the Cinderella teams that have come into any major competition as the underdog or lowest seed (heh, heh, “seed!”), and make the improbable run to the finals.

THE TOP TWO

Of course, the Cinderella story doesn’t always end with a victory in sports, and it didn’t end with a victory in Sperm Madness either. We ended the night with the Top Two – James Bond and Cinderella – and I took the profiles up to Friends Lake to make my final decision. Both choices were smart guys who were physically fit and had a number of the attributes I previously detailed. In the end, though, James Bond had three things going for him. First, since he is blond and blue-eyed, he is closer to my coloring, which I prefer as the sole (known) biological parent. Second, although there is cancer in his family, none are the type that would be typically a genetic issue. Unfortunately, Cinderella’s dad had colorectal cancer at age 50 and, given my family history, I decided that would not be a good combo. And third, James Bond was the one I wanted all along! It’s funny how that happened, but my friends all chose really well. Both candidates that finished in the Top Two were ones that I considered front-runners. But James Bond was the one that, from the time I read his personal essay, I said, “This is the guy.” And he made the cut! I knew my instincts were right!

(That’s me on the left, with my cousin, Vivian, and our Top Two)

When I was planning the party, I didn’t really know what to expect. I mean, let’s face it, there’s not a lot of precedent for this. I mean, I know other women have done similar things, but it’s not like Martha Stewart has a book on throwing the perfect Donor Party! Hey – maybe I should write one! Hmmm. Anyway, the party turned out to be exactly what I had hoped it would be – a fun night that allowed me to share this experience with a few close friends and family (those who have been granted security clearance).

Some might say I took a chance or I didn’t take the process seriously enough because I left the fate of my unconceived child to other people. Well, the truth is, I told everyone at the start of the night that ultimately I would make my own decision. And I did. But what can I say? They all know me well enough to pick the right guy for me (or at least his sperm!). As for not taking it seriously enough – I’ve never taken anything more seriously. But, the things I’ve gone through over the last few years have taught me to find the joy in life. I want to enjoy this process, and the donor party was the first step in doing so. And I had an awesome time!

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