Everyone has a plan. Everyone thinks they can decide how
things will turn out, and then it will happen. We’ve heard it before, “If you
fail to plan, then you plan to fail.” And I’m as guilty of it as anyone. I
always make plans, and think that, by stating that this is how I want things to
go, then the universe will cooperate. Boy has the universe had a chuckle or two
(or ten) at my expense over the years. But do I learn? No. Despite overwhelming
evidence to the contrary, I keep thinking that a good plan is all I need for
success.
And so it went with becoming a mom. I had a plan. I’d get
pregnant by the end of the summer so that I could teach all year and then have
the baby at the end of the school year. That way I would not have to miss
unnecessary time at work, and I would not have to be pregnant during a hot and
humid New York summer. I’d also be three months along at least by Christmas,
which meant I could announce it in my Christmas cards. Hear the universe
laughing? It’s an annoying, grating kind of laugh, like a Loon drifting along a
lake at dusk, shattering the tranquility with its brash call.
So, what does all this mean? Well, when last I wrote, I was
dealing with the issue of high estrogen levels, which was confirmed to be the result
of ovarian cysts. We’ll call those the halcyon days, when
that’s all I had to worry about. Because now that’s just number three on the
list. Because why would I have only one complication? When you only have one
complication, you’re clearly not trying hard enough. Enter a blocked fallopian tube and a
uterine fibroid. Yep, I’ve got the trifecta. I'm so proud.
Backing up slightly- After we discovered the cysts, I had to
give myself a shot of Ovidrel, to stimulate ovulation and hopefully get rid of
the cysts (Yay for an extra period this month!). In the meantime, I had the HSG
test. The doctor I had, Dr. B. was amazing. It is a difficult procedure,
especially for someone like me, and he was so gentle and talked me through
everything. It was not nearly as bad as I feared. It was through this test that
we found the fibroid and the blocked right fallopian tube.
I followed up with Dr. K., and he did another ultrasound
(joy), to try and confirm the fibroid. It was hard for him to tell, so he wants
to do a Saline Sonogram to confirm it. If it is in the uterine
cavity, then I will have to get it removed. Otherwise, if the embryo attaches
over the fibroid, it could cause a miscarriage. Thankfully, it’s a minimally
invasive procedure, with no incisions, and a quick recovery (2-4 weeks before
trying again to get pregnant). God bless Dr. K., too, who emailed me right back
last week at Friends Lake and talked me off the edge of fear that I would not
be able to get pregnant at all because of this. I told him flat out that his
quick and reasonable response made it possible for me to enjoy one of the last
weekends of the season up there, with Keith.
Of course, complicating the complications is my elderly age
of 39. As Dr. K. and I discussed, the approach would be very different if I
were ten years younger. But I’m not, and so conservative approaches are out the
window – bye, bye! Dr. K. and I have come to the decision (one I was already
close to making anyway), that IVF is going to be my best bet
now. With a blocked tube, it’s a role of the dice each month to see if the egg
would come out of the other side, and I have a greater chance of an ectopic pregnancy, even if I do get pregnant. And, we can’t stretch
this out for months and months. There’s no telling when I’ll fall off the cliff
of infertility – next year, or five years from now. Or even later, who knows?
But I can’t take that chance. So, IVF it is.
I’m having the saline sonogram Friday. If there is no need
to remove the fibroid, then the first IVF can be done in November. If it does
need to be removed, I’m hoping the first IVF can be done in December.
Otherwise, I’ll have to wait until January (the lab that needs to grow my baby is
closed for the holidays).
So much for plans. No Christmas card announcement. Pregnant
over the summer. Delivery at the beginning of next school year (all God-willing, of course!). But you know,
what? Turns out I don’t care. I just want to be pregnant with a healthy baby. I
like to think that these delays are just because Mom and Dad are looking for
just the right baby for me up there, and it’s taking them a little longer. If I
have a baby by this time next year, I will be very happy. If I don’t? Well, I’ll
just adapt my plan again!
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