So, I meant to post this a couple of weeks ago, when I got
back from London, but of course I got sick, and then the start of semester
craziness set in. There’s been an unexpected development, after I did a lot of
soul-searching on my trip to London. As I was visiting old haunts, I thought a
lot about my living situation. There has always been a strong pull to live in
England again, although I don’t think I could do it permanently. I love New
York, Keith is here, and, of course, Friends Lake is here. I have a lot of
friends here too, although I do have good friends in England now. But I thought
a lot about whether I could find a way to spend a few weeks there each year.
And that got me to thinking about my life in New York.
When I started this blog, I talked about how I wanted to
stay in New York City. And even though I knew I couldn’t afford a
two-bedroom in the City, I had a plan to make a nursery at the far end of my
living room, using a temporary pressure wall. But, as time has progressed and
I’ve given more thought to how I want to live with my child (or children), I’ve
realized that I don’t want to cram a family into a tiny apartment, just to stay
in the City. As my friend Maria said, are the sacrifices I would have to make
worth it for a zip code?
As I believe I also mentioned previously, I’ve been obsessed with baby
furniture since I was a kid. And I realized that I don’t want to
sacrifice having a proper nursery for my baby, and a proper bedroom as my child
grows up. I’ve dreamed of my baby’s room for thirty years, and I want to make
that dream come true. Also, since I am trying to be a stay-at-home mom, staying
home in this apartment after making it smaller, essentially, would be very
difficult.
It’s not just the space, of course. Back in the Fall, when I
was driving back and forth from Friends Lake, I was getting frustrated with the
long drive, the inevitable traffic in the City, the loading and unloading of
the car with the luggage cart. Having to make multiple trips because of the
dogs. You name it, it was getting to me. I started to wonder how I would manage
it with a kid or kids, and the dogs, and all our stuff. I started to wonder if
I wanted to stay in the City. I thought,
once I was no longer driving back and forth, that I would feel better and fall
back in love with the City. I did, to an extent. But, in the last few weeks,
I’ve come to understand that, while I still like living in the City, I don’t
love it anymore. The novelty has worn off a bit, and I don’t know if it’s
something I would want to do forever.
My lifestyle would, naturally, change as well once I have a
child, and I won’t be taking advantage of the things I do now in the City. I
won’t be walking home from the theatre at midnight, or buying bagels at one in
the morning. Grocery shopping would be harder, and so would walking the dogs. I
also would have an issue leaving the balcony door open for Cali and Brooke if
that’s the baby’s room.
So, you see where this is going. I know plenty of people
raise kids in the City. And plenty of people do it in small apartments, with
dogs. Even single women. And they figure it out. But, there are too many
sacrifices that I’m not willing to make. And that includes the financial side
of things. To stay in the City would cost too much. And even if I could find a
way to do it, I would be sinking all my money into an apartment and have
nothing left for living. Mom used to always talk about not being “house poor.”
I understood what she meant, but never fully appreciated it until now. Even if
I went back to work full time (which would eliminate the possibility of being a
stay-at-home mom), I would probably just manage to pay for a small two-bedroom.
But I wouldn’t be able to do anything else. I want to travel with my child and
take him or her to museums and Yankee games. But that would not be possible if
I had to sink everything into an apartment. So, I’d be working all the time,
never see my kid, and not be able to do anything with the kid when I’m not
working! Not my idea of a family life.
Back in the summer, I had come up with a potential moving
plan, in case I had twins. But, I’ve made the decision that I’ll move
regardless, once I get pregnant. The initial plan was to move to an apartment
in Riverdale. At first, that seemed like a good idea, because it would keep me
near Manhattan, and I could get a bigger place for a lot less money. But, the
more I thought about it, the more I realized that, if I’m not in the City, I
don’t really want to live in an apartment. The truth is, I really want a house.
But, a full house might be too much for me to take on. So, I’ve found a
compromise – I’m going to look for a townhouse in Westchester. It’s the perfect
compromise. I get the house feel, but if I buy in a community, they’ll take
care of outdoor maintenance, etc. And, if I have dedicated parking and a garage
or basement, I can save the money I’ve been spending on the garage and storage
space.
Naturally, I will be looking for something that costs less
than this place, so I have to see what I can afford in my price range. It’s not
likely to be luxury, unless I go farther away from the City, but again, not a
sacrifice I want to make – I want my kid to be able to take advantage of
everything that the City has to offer, just like I did growing up in
Westchester. If I can free up money from the sale of this place, I will also be
able to afford to stay home, at least for a few years. Then, when the kid is
school aged (or kids), I can look for teaching jobs again. I’ll probably be
ready by that point anyway.
And it’s not like I’m not going to keep trying to make my
name (and fortune!) as a writer. But I know I can’t depend on that. And, the
funny thing is, I’m not entirely convinced that if I had all the money in the
world, I would move back to the City (at least not until my kids are grown).
Three’s certainly a lot of perks to growing up in the City, but I don’t know
anymore if I’m willing to put up with the inconveniences – unless of course I
have a staff to handle all that stuff! ;)
But that’s a decision for years from now. This decision is
made, but I won’t take action until I’m actually pregnant. On that note, we did
start the cycle when I got back from London. I should know more about its
potential success, and be able to post an update in a few days.
