Thursday, October 24, 2013

As Nature Intended?


When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and procreate, I’m pretty sure He didn’t mean for them to don white lab coats over their fig leaves, and huddle down in a lab to play with petri dishes and test tubes in order to create Cain and Abel. Conservative activists have probably use arguments such as this to express their belief that assisted reproduction is against God’s plan.


As someone who is not particularly religious, but does believe in God, I had not thought very much about that perspective. Truth is, I’ve always believed that God is love, and He wants people to live good lives and share their love, with whomever they see fit.  And if people need help having a child to share their love with, why shouldn’t they get it? But I had a bit of strange moment two days ago when I attended my first IVF class. As I was watching the video of the IVF process at RMA’s lab, the truly clinical nature of the process struck me more forcibly than ever before. All I could think was, is this how it was meant to be?

For a few minutes, I sat there, wondering about this. Was it OK to be trying to get pregnant this way? To entrust my fertility to my fellow man (or woman), instead of going about it the natural way? Of course, in my case, it’s never going to happen the natural way, so….

It was an odd few minutes, because I never thought that the moral implications of this process were an issue for me. The feeling didn’t last, though. All I needed to do was look around the room at the four couples in the room, waiting, and hoping for a child to love. And that brought me all the way back to what I’ve always believed. God is love, and He would not have given mankind the inspiration to create these processes to assist life if He did not want doctors to use the technology to help these couples have children to love. And, yes, that applies to me too. This is the only way for me to give birth to a child. I cannot believe that this is against what God, or nature, intended.

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One last note about Tuesday’s class from an emotional perspective (I’ll have an entry this weekend about the upcoming process. Preview – no abdominal surgery!). Going into this process, I knew it would be difficult, and lonely at times. I’ve talked about that in this blog. But, there are times when it really hits home, and Tuesday’s class was one of those times. As I sat in the two-hour class, and looked around, I saw the four couples, several female staffers, and one other female student who was on her own. It became evident, however, that she had a partner who just could not be there that day. So, I was the only single woman there, trying to have a baby on my own. I know that I’m not the only one that RMA works with, by any means. But, in that class, as I looked at the couples at the desks, and saw the husbands holding their wives’ hands reassuringly, I felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. In that moment, I wanted more than anything for someone to be there to hold my hand.

The feeling did pass, of course, and was replaced with another new sensation. As I sat at the back table (of course!), contemplating these feelings of loneliness, a sudden thought entered my head – These people are taking this step together, and that’s wonderful; but I’m doing it alone, and that’s courageous. I never really thought about that before, but it suddenly seemed so obvious. There are so many women who want to have children, but are too afraid to do it on their own. I am the last person who would ever judge another woman for her choices – there are so many things behind every choice. And this choice is definitely not for everyone. But it never really occurred to me until Tuesday just how much courage this choice takes. It made me reflect on the last few years as well, and realize how much courage it has taken to reinvent myself after losing Mom and Dad. And I’m going to allow myself to be proud of having the courage to find a way to have a child to share my love with, and know that I will have the courage to face whatever comes to me.

2 comments:

  1. i love this post. Reading it a bit late, but as always, beautifully written.

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  2. Thanks, Tracy - it came from the heart. :)

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